Laws and Loopholes
by PrussianPants
Summary: Oh dear Jashin, why did they name him after the fucking green dinosaur? Why? And why didn't anyone mention anything about Danzō having a family? Oh well. Laws and loopholes were nothing new. Legal-speak was something he was practically born for, considering his previous life and career.
1. Here We Go

**Yes, this was previously Just Keep Laughing. But, I put some thought into it, and I feel I'll be able to write better if I revise a lot of the previous work done for the story. And by a lot, I mean everything. Sooooo, new title, new summary, and similar but different chapters. Oh, and yeah, it's in 3rd person now. 1st was pissing me off.**

 **Yoshi is a boy now too, but was a girl before reincarnation. It's gonna be a plot device and I hope you enjoy how it all works out. Please don't complain, cause like, it's for reasons. (This is not meant to be offensive in anyway, I'm sorry if some of you feel like it is.)**

 **I don't own anything that is canon - characters, events from the actual plot, all that jazz.**

 **I own my characters and plot/events that aren't canon.**

 **If you see stuff from other fanfictions, I apologize. I don't keep a running list of all the fanfictions I read so something may turn up that's like another piece of work unintentionally. Give the other person some credit if you see something that fits that description.**

 **Sorry for the lack of warning about the revisions, but I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

This was...unexpected.

Not bad, per say.

Certainly, not what she was expecting.

There was supposed to be a bright light, or some fire, or some fluffy clouds, or just becoming a zombie or ghost.

This though.

This was…

Odd.

To say the least.

A lot of people probably say shit like that all the time; it doesn't make the statement any less true though.

Yeah, the dying. That part sucked, but it was expected. Especially given the kind of company Rafa kept. It was a fact of life to her; everyone dies eventually, right? Cells die off, organs fail, people grow grey and wrinkled and kick the bucket. That's disregarding those who are killed earlier because of some shady shit (which she is intimately familiar with), medical problems, or some random freak accident.

The _reincarnation bit_ and _coming back to life_ part? That was something no one could really be prepared for.

When Rafaella first noticed _his/her/their?_ (reincarnation is troublesome, until Rafa learns what's in the diaper, 'they' will do. 'They'll' have to wait to figure out what genitalia they were born with later) surroundings, 'they' were in denial. 'There's literally no way, right? It's way too fucking cliché to be reincarnated with the memories of a past life. Fuck it.'

They got over it. 'Okay, being a baby and having baby reactions sucks. The sleeping and pissing and shitting in weird cloth diapers (who the fuck uses cloth diapers?), **but** they get another chance at life. Right?'

They should've realized earlier.

Nothing is that fucking simple.

* * *

Congratulations, it's a boy.

No chance of PMS and periods.

Thank fuck.

…

(Rafaella later acknowledged that having a dick was an advantage in this life, and he was very lucky to be born with said genitalia.)

(Rafaella had always wondered what having a penis was like; time to try it out. Surprisingly it didn't bother him nearly as much as he thought it would. Then again, Rafa's period had been _hell_ so the change in pace would be nice.)

(Note to self: try out prostate when older. Male G-spot for the win.)

* * *

Rafa has finally learned his name. Well, his _new_ name. Yoshi.

All he can think of is that fucking green dinosaur from Mario.

Of all the names to pick, fucking seriously?

* * *

Baby suicide was considered today. Stick something metal in an outlet, climb into the oven, drown during bath time. It would've been easy to act upon with an opening of a distracted mother.

He should have noticed earlier.

The Japanese.

The clothing.

The weird-ass sliding doors.

Those fucking cloth diapers.

The fucking _Mount Rushmore wanna-be_ that he can see from his crib.

Fucking **genin babysitters**.

 _Finally meeting dad, who had a fucking **hitai-ate on his head**._

Fuck.

* * *

Rafa's previous life had been interesting for the most part. As a lawyer, she got paid a lot. (That alone allowed for some kickass parties.) One of Rafaella's favorite reasons for being a lawyer is the knowledge gained about legal jargon, laws, and loopholes. Those had _definitely_ helped whenever a friend had been arrested (which happened more often than one would expect.) What can she say? She was used to dealing with organized crime.

Rafa had had a higher IQ than average (not genius level, but enough to keep things interesting) which had helped with the whole law school deal. The Don had paid her way through since he needed a new lawyer anyway and Rafa, while not born into the business like most people, had been clever and loyal (for the most part).

Said IQ, however, gave her a fatal allergy to extremely stupid people. And condescending people. So, speech wasn't a super high priority as Rafa, sorry, _Yoshi_ wasn't in the mood to communicate with people who only used baby talk for him.

It was fucking annoying.

No one ever caught him trying to sound out words or anything like that though. (Seriously, who even listens to babies talk anyway? No one. They just nod and pretend to understand.) He was doing just fine physically. If he had to guess, he'd say that he's about a year old now. He has crawling down so far and his vision is decent, as is his eye-hand coordination. He's started throwing things too. Especially at the little genin who are hired to babysit him when mom is out.

Getting bodily functions and movement of limbs under control as soon as he could was _the_ top priority. One does not simply be an adult for multiple years and then lose all independence without any fight. No, that doesn't happen. He should've tempered the intelligence that he allowed to show by trying to do yoga while he was a baby though. Oh, well, it probably just looked like flailing and weird stuff that babies usually did. Hopefully.

Throwing things at the pre-teens was more fun than poorly attempted yoga though. He lived for their indignant expressions.

* * *

Rafa didn't have a mother. Yoshi's was cool though. Yoshi's dad was awesome. Rafa's dad had been more calm and relaxed, but they both loved their kids and made sure they knew it.

Yoshi's dad had skin kissed by the sun, hair made of dark chocolate, and amber eyes. For the Naruto world, though, tanned skin and brown hair were the norm. At least for the most part. It would've been another case of background character syndrome without the eyes as his defining features. He had a deep voice that made Rafa remember late nights with a glass of whiskey, a warm fireplace, and Frank Sinatra crooning in the background. Yoshi's mom, however, had porcelain skin with chocolate eyes. Her hair was the eye-catching bit.

It was green.

Yes.

Green hair.

It was, in fact, one of Yoshi's favorite things about her. It reminded Rafa of little plastic UFOs and those alien stereotypes that were common in America. Not forest green, not grass green or leaf green. _Toxic bright green_. Like the color of Avada Kedavra from Harry Potter. Or radioactive waste. It was that freaking bright.

Whiskey-man, also known as Yoshi's father, made his entrance around the time that Yoshi could toddle his way around with some support from the walls. His mom greeted him at the door with Yoshi in her arms. Placed neatly on his right bicep was a metal plate. Not just any metal plate, but a _hitai-ate_. Yoshi had grown used to them because of the various genin babysitters, but it explained his absence. Missions, most likely. Either long term missions (undercover work and what not) or perhaps Konoha was at war. Yoshi couldn't figure out which era it was, so it could be either.

* * *

So, yeah. Reincarnation. Into the _Naruto Universe_. Where people _die_. Often. And **_bloodily_**. And **_painfully_**.

Fuck a bitch sideways in the asshole with a log and no lube or prep, this was going to be one hell of a ride.


	2. This Family Though

**Okay, so yeah. Everything has been re-written. Yoshi is a boy, but was a girl before reincarnation. Don't hate, it'll be a thing, don't worry about it.**

 **I don't own Naruto, or anything that seems familiar from other, older fanfics (total accident if I ended up using something, it's not intentional, I swear).**

 **(P.S.** **bonus points for those who find the Avengers reference)**

* * *

It's been a while.

Like a few years.

Yoshi just turned four.

…

At least, he thinks he did.

…

That's how many candles were on his birthday cake yesterday at least.

* * *

Okay, well then.

That's legit.

…

Yeah, so basically.

Here's the thing.

Yoshi met some family today.

Met his grandpa.

His dad's dad.

That clever crazy codger.

The wily and wild gaffer.

The one and only old man himself.

That shady motherfucker everybody knows and has mixed feelings about (depending on who you are).

Shimura Danzō.

...

Yeah.

…

Any plans Yoshi may or may not have had to stay a civilian just went out the fucking window.

He's fucked.

Yoshi had been in his father's arms when he first met good old _jiji_ , and he's not referring to the Sandaime.

It had been early morning the day after his fourth birthday. They had a small get together with just his mom and dad. Yoshi wasn't too keen on kids his age. They were loud and obtrusive. Not at all what he was used to dealing with at the firms Rafa worked at. Not dealing with kids in his previous life may have given him a bit of intolerance for anything or anyone he deemed 'childish' in this world. (It went hand-in-hand with the stupidity allergy really, the condescending allergy was reserved for clueless adults that needed a good kick to the face. Or chest. Or neck. Anywhere to cause damage, really.)

Yoshi had woken up the next day and gotten dressed as per usual before heading down to the kitchen. Dad was on leave since he just got back from a two-month mission, so it was his turn to cook breakfast. He had brought him back a present from wherever he had been as his birthday present. (He's guessing Iwa since he had presented him with a little clay statue that reminded him of the ones Deidara had made on the show. Only this one didn't explode.)

Yoshi spent as much time as he could with his dad when he had the chance. He understood perfectly well what death was and that each moment spent with your loved ones should be as precious as you can make it. His father and mother simply assumed that he missed him and that was why he clung to him when he was home. All that mattered to Yoshi was that he indulged his clinging.

When the knock had come, Dad plucked him from his spot holding onto his father's leg and carried him to the door. He basked in the contact. Yoshi knew that he was only half indulging him. The other half of the reason for taking him with him was that his parents learned not to leave him alone near potentially dangerous objects due to the events of his _third_ birthday. (They don't talk about the third birthday. It's become taboo within the family.)

"Shiro." He nodded as he acknowledged Yoshi's father. The man allowed for a pause and then he turned his eyes towards Yoshi himself. "This must be the little one I've been hearing about."

Lo and behold, on the other side of the door was the leader of Root. Or was it ROOT? Actual name or abbreviation? Eh, who cares right now. Focus, _because that's a very dangerous man right there and we don't want to disappear, do we? No, we don't. Okay,_ _ **Stay calm**_ _._

Hold up.

What did he say?

…

Fuck, who's been talking to Danzō about him? He's only been around his parents, the occasional neighbor, and the merchants so far. Why would Danzō bother to know about him?

Fucking creepy old men and their omniscience and omnipotence.

It was fucking creepy as hell, and no one could tell Yoshi differently.

"You know I haven't been able to stay in Konoha for very long these past few years, Otōchan. Otherwise I would've introduced you two sooner."

Did his father just refer to Shimura Danzō as _pops? Please don't tell him that Dad just offended one of the most influential and powerful people in Konoha, are you fucking serious? When is it ever a good plan to poke the bear that is very much alert and staring at you?_

Disregarding that little bit though, Yoshi's father is officially a badass for even attempting to backtalk the crazy old man.

Why would his father see fit to introduce him to Danzō (who was apparently expecting it for whatever reason? Don't tell him that one of his parents is ex-Root [or is it ROOT? He still doesn't know].) Mom was home even if dad was gone though so that means either she doesn't know about whatever is happening between these two or was purposely keeping Yoshi away from Danzō. _Mom has balls of_ _ **steel**_ _if that's the case_.

"Hn." (Did he just speak Uchiha?) "I suppose your harpy of a wife didn't see the need to introduce your son to me. Of all the women to marry, Shiro, you chose the one who can't stand her father-in-law."

Wait.

Hold the fucking phone.

Listen Linda.

Danzō said he was mom's father-in-law.

That meant Danzō was _dad's dad._

If he was _dad's dad_ , that makes him _Yoshi's grandfather._

What the fuck kind of soap opera is this?

Evil shadow ruler of Konoha is his grandfather? What the hell?

Yoshi violently refuses to be a Mary-Sue in any capacity.

This is a load of horseshit.

"While she can't stand you, she can certainly _stand up_ to you. And you know how Midori is, she thinks you're going to magically disappear Yoshi away to your super-secret-boyband of emo rule-followers."

 _Burn._ And it's official. Yoshi loves whiskey-man. He is the Sass Master. (Yes, those capitals were necessary.) Yoshi must learn his ways. ( _But oh god, please, don't let a hit be taken out on the family for being disrespectful, oh god, oh god, dangerous, bad bad bad, abort mission! Abort mission!)_

Danzō looked at his father reproachfully. Dad seemed unfazed and was still grinning like a loon. "You are fully aware I would not do that to your son."

"Well we can't be quite sure. I remember how much you promised my mother that I would have the chance to grow up normal. Look how that turned out!"

"You are doing just fine."

"You unlocked my chakra coils when I was three! _Three!_ "

 _Yoshi is surrounded by crazy people. Call for help, please._

(On second thought...since it seems like Yoshi won't be allowed to go the civilian route due to being related to Danzō, can he get on that bandwagon? The early chakra one?)

"You needed a leg up."

Yoshi don't want to see his idea of 'a little push in the right direction' or 'some simple motivation' if that's his idea of a 'leg up'.

"You put me in the Academy at six."

"I would have done it earlier, but you weren't exactly the brightest child."

 **Oh.** _ **Burn.**_

 _ **Rude,**_ **also.**

"You had your goons train me and babysit me for almost all of my childhood."

ROOT (Yoshi's just gonna go with ROOT, Root just isn't as intimidating with its lowercase letters and all.) doubles as a babysitting service? Why haven't mom and dad used it? Yoshi has been here for four years now. It's okay to go out on dates, not just missions and lunch dates with friends. Actual marriage dates, those are what they are lacking.

Genin babysitters are universally accepted as a tool to help couples with children keep their social lives - it's a fact of life in Konoha. However, in Yoshi's humble opinion, ROOT would've been far better for babysitting him. Just look at what happened on his third birthday. ( _Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it_.) Lots of eyes and ready hands would've been much better than genin, at least ROOT would've been prepared for most of what he would've thrown at them (literally and figuratively).

"I was busy."

"Just like you were too busy to attend your only child's wedding?"

Welp, that explains why mom didn't see fit to let her father-in-law see his only grandchild. (Yoshi's 94% sure that he's the only one at least. You can never be 100% clear on these things when people like Orochimaru are running around somewhere.)

"Yes."

"Just like you were too busy to attend my chūnin exams and subsequent promotion? And my jounin exams which led to my _other_ promotion?"

Ohhh, Dad is a _jounin_? Epic.

"My job is very busy."

"I didn't know you had an actual job description other than being shady and converting small children to worshipping you? And then making them do missions that we both know aren't exactly approved by the Hokage? Not only have you started a cult, you've made them engage in illegal activities!"

What is it with this family and their _inability to be respectful? The burns are real, fam. Also, the fuck is the relationship between these two?_ (The manga and anime got Danzō's character super wrong from what Yoshi can tell. Or it's a classic case of one-dimensional characters. They get two-dimensions if they're lucky, but it's super hard to find multi-dimensional or well-rounded characters nowadays.)

(Rafa liked to read, don't judge.)

"I do have a day job as an advisor in case you weren't aware."

If Danzō is still playing along then maybe this life _won't_ be too bad. Jiji did say that he wouldn't disappear him...

But then again.

 _Shinobi_. Pretty much paid to be thieves, liars, and assassins. So Danzō could totally be lying right now.

"Yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses," whiskey-man waved it off. "Anyway, this is Shimura Yoshi."

Yoshi hopes his name's meaning stays applicable (disregarding the fucking Mario dinosaur). Good luck would be very nice. Yoshi doesn't know if he can pull off righteous though. Probably not good, virtuous, or respectable either considering who he's related to. Oh, wait. They're both watching him. What do they want?

Danzō stared at him. Yoshi responded by looking at him blankly. He blinked. Yoshi did as well. He looked back towards his dad. "Did you infect him with your slowness?"

Dad gasped dramatically while he transferred Yoshi to be held in only one arm. His right hand clutched his heart as he looked at his father with watery eyes. Nice touch. "How could you say that about your own son?"

"Quite easily," Danzō responded.

 _Seriously, the burns though._

Dad rolled his eyes as he shuffled Yoshi so he was back to holding the kid with both his arms and lightly bouncing his baby boy. "There is nothing wrong with my kid, okay? He might just not be ready to talk or interact with people until his brain works everything out. Who knows, I could be holding the next family genius right here," he finished while waggling his eyebrows. Speaking of eyebrows - his eyebrow game is _so_ on fleek.

Wait.

No, no, no, no, _no._ No genius here, señor. Try again later (and by later, he means _never_ ). Ignore the suspicious baby. _Ignore it._

Danzō turned contemplative and tilted his head. "Perhaps," he responded with consideration in his voice. "After all, it doesn't do well to underestimate people just because of their age."

Was that an allusion to a current young genius? Yoshi's 87% sure it was. _Expound,_ dear family. Give him the clues he needs to figure out what time he resides in. (Danzō and the Hokage Monument/Mountain don't count, they were both around for what seems like forever in the manga and anime. Yoshi needs specifics.)

"Shisui and Itachi do _not_ count as the norm for children."

 _ **There**_ **we go!** Hahaha! _Yes_. Somewhere before the Uchiha Massacre, before Shisui dies, and after they both have been recognized as genii. Yoshi has succeeded in finding part of the puzzle. Now, he could probably get away with being a decent shinobi if everyone's going to be focused on the Uchiha soon enough.

"If the Uchiha can churn out two prodigies and have them promoted at such rates then I can hope for one too, okay? Not to mention Fugaku has had his second one who's been dubbed as advanced as well! Kami knows you weren't one so we'll just have to hope that it skipped only _one_ generation."

Oh god (or should he say kami? Ehh, he'll assimilate soon enough.), this family and the burns absolutely _slay_. So Sasuke was born not super long ago? Sasuke was a couple months older than Naruto so the timeline is either a little before or after Minato's death. Right?

Alright, he has some answers at least. Yoshi has a few years before Itachi kills the clan. (That would be a great sitcom, Kill the Clan. Or would it be more Kill Bill action movie style?) The question is if Tobito has released Kurama yet or nah.

"Don't you dare pressure my little tantō into things!"

Aww, that's such a cute nickname. Dad is officially Yoshi's favorite.

"Please tell me you didn't pick that just because they're both short."

"Well…"

Yoshi glared at his grandfather. He liked the nickname, don't try to make Dad change it. He'll grow later (his parents are both decently tall so he should be as well), but he can acknowledge that he _is_ short currently. He's comfortable with himself, though, thank you.

Dad chuckled and hoisted Yoshi a little higher against him. "Looks like Yoshi disagrees with your disapproval. My kid likes it so other opinions don't matter." Dad looked at him and started cooing. "My little tantō indeed, look at that glare! He'll be able to kill you with only a look in the future. Oh, I'm so excited!"

"You're a disgrace."

"Fuck you, Dad is awesome."

…

Silence.

…

Oops.

…

Did he say that out loud?

Dad proceeded to bust out laughing so hard that he could barely keep his hold on him (and that's saying something, especially since he's a jounin). Danzō snatched Yoshi from his father's loose grip and held him on his hip while whiskey-man curled up on the floor, smacking the wood with his open palm as he kept laughing. He seemed to be hysterical.

Gramps looked down on Yoshi with utter bafflement and looked as if he was contemplating the meaning of life.

As dad started to calm down and grandpa seemed more in control of himself (i.e., his facial expression), Yoshi figured he might as well keep talking. "Sorry jiji, I didn't think that would pop out, but ya know, shit happens."

If anything the poor geezer looked twice as confused. Dad's laughter started up again and didn't seem like it would slow down anytime soon.

What a first set of words, huh? And first word in general, how many people can say their first word was 'fuck'? Yoshi's a badass.

Well if he was hoping for jiji to ignore him and his possible prodigy status than that's not an option now.

Good thing that wasn't the plan. (Well, there was no plan. Yoshi's not really good at that. Improv is more his scene. Surprisingly effective in law school.)

Danzō appreciates dedication, loyalty, and ability above all else per the Naruto series. Why else would he make killing machines that he brought up completely loyal to him and his work? Yoshi has never had a problem of remaining loyal to family (how many times had Rafa had to help get them out of jail? She had been the lawyer of the family, and by family Rafa means _The Family_ , as in _Mafia_ ). Loyalty wasn't an issue if Danzō didn't do anything that would bite him and the rest of their small family in the ass (or those who didn't deserve it for that matter - he did have some morals). Dedication was practically Yoshi's middle name, Rafa never would've passed the Bar Exam otherwise.

He already has two of the three down. Ability can be gained and by seeming advanced Danzō would find it prudent to make sure his grandson could stay alive in this world (doubly so by meeting his standards).

Yoshi knows he is in a dangerous world. But may kami strike him down if he's not gonna take every advantage he can.

The Naruto Universe is basically a never-ending survival test.

And he intends to pass with flying colors.

(The face jiji made when he spoke was _totally_ worth the attention it would garner, too.)


	3. Politic Pre-Game

**Yeah, so. Everything's re-written. Yoshi was a girl before reincarnation and is now the proud owner of a penis and retains the he/him pronouns that usually come with such a package. Everything's in third person.**

 **I don't own Naruto, I apologize if you find anything familiar that belongs to someone else, it's unintentionally, give them some credit if you recognize anything (it really is unintentionally I don't know where things come from inside my brain).**

 **That's it, I think.**

* * *

So, ROOT is totally a babysitting service.

...

Just saying. Cause it was mentioned a time or two as an option.

Called it.

But that's a conversation for another day. There are bigger fish to fry at the moment.

Politics. Yay.

"He won't cause too much trouble for the emotionally-repressed creepers. Some trouble, of course. But! An _adequate_ amount of trouble, he shouldn't be _too_ much of a hassle. And maybe the little emo-rule-followers will socialize him some! He hasn't been willing to talk to any of the other kids, which is understandable cause practically all the other kids are little shits, but he still needs socialization."

Yeah, jiji gave dad the most deadpan look Yoshi's ever had the pleasure to see after that statement. Yoshi isn't pleased with the statement either if he's being honest with himself. He did not need socialization, thank you very much! And was Shiro really going to trust emotionally repressed child soldiers handle his son's socialization? How would that even work?

"I'm sure they can handle a five-year-old."

Umm, hello? "Do I even get a say in this?"

They both blinked before looking at said five-year-old. Apparently, they keep forgetting Yoshi can talk. Which is weird cause while he didn't bother to talk that much and would rather use hand gestures to let people figure out what he wants, he was capable of speech and had a decently broad vocabulary. That and it's been a year since his first words. (Yoshi knows it's strange that he was four when he started talking, and anyone who has anything to say about it can fight him.)

Dad shook himself out of the stupor and swept him up off the ground where he had been standing by the Japanese-style sliding door. Jiji has been around more lately since he was closer to his son than his daughter-in-law, so the three were actually in Shiro's own house right now. Yoshi's pretty sure when Midori got back from the seamstress' Shiro and her were going on a date and that's why he's being left with the old man.

"Sorry, my cute little tantō. What would you like to do while tou-san and kaa-san go out?"

Yoshi tilted his head against dad's shoulder. To be honest, he could totally have some fun messing with ROOT members, but he didn't really want to get involved with them so soon. They probably have totally different standards about how to handle five-year-olds considering how young some of them are when they start their training. Yoshi had no wish to be physically or mentally harmed at the moment if it could be avoided.

Yoshi hasn't noticed any other shinobi or civilians around the house so his parents probably don't have a lot of close friends that they would trust with him. Or maybe they just don't trust anyone with Yoshi. Jiji probably (totally, considering, ya know, it's Danzō) has a lot of enemies, so it makes sense that his parents would too.

"Why can't I just spend the day with jiji?"

Danzō blinked. Yoshi did as well.

Dad, however, looked like he had just gotten an expensive set of chakra conductive kunai for free. And let Yoshi just say, that shit don't happen. "That's a _wonderful_ idea, Yoshi-kun! I'm sure Otōchan would just _love_ to watch over his only grandchild, whom he shall _obviously_ _**love**_ _and_ _**care**_ _for_ and **personally** **watch** today, isn't that right?" Dad's beaming smile was blindingly bright. Yoshi had the feeling he had just stumbled onto an age old argument these two had been having for a while.

Oh dear, Danzō just twitched. That's not a good sign.

"After all, _nothing_ is more **important** than _**family**_ , _right_ Otōchan?"

Jiji's smile was more of a grimace than anything else really. "Of course," he responded in a tight voice. Jiji didn't do strained, as far as tone and body language went, it was supposedly proof of old age.

Welp, only one way to dissolve tension. Yoshi beamed at jiji. Small children are supposed to be happy and excitable, didn't you know?

Eh, who is he kidding. He's making this shit up on the fly.

Jiji's eyes lit up with unholy glee. _Oh no_ , what are you gonna do you crazy codger?

"However," (and it is with that one simple word that Yoshi knew something drastic was about to go down. Essentially, this was the moment knew he had fucked up.) "There is a Shinobi Council meeting today."

Yoshi blinked. Oh, that's not too bad.

 _He was_ _ **so wrong.**_


	4. Hyped to Salty, Real Quick

**Alright, time for another disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot bunny that created this fic, the actual plot, and Yoshi. And whatever else is mine that I'm probably forgetting to mention right now.**

 **I do read a lot of fanfictions from a lot of different places so if you see something similar it may or may not be based off of something I've seen before, I apologize for that but I don't remember exactly everything I've ever read. If you see something that is extremely similar to another fic it may or may not have been based off of that work, so just go ahead and give them some credit as it is a possibility.**

 **If you haven't already been able to tell that this is AU then allow me to say it bluntly. This is AU. If you like it, great. Please leave a review to motivate me to write more or add it to your favorites or follow it or just read it, totally up to you. If you don't like, don't read (kinda late since we're already a couple chapters in but you have the ability to leave), simple as that; I don't see any need for anyone to get ugly about such things.**

 ****If anyone has any omakes that they want to see send them my way, I'll see what I can do, no promises. If anyone wants to see more of something specifically drop a line with the info and I'll see what I can do with that as well. (And by drop a line I mean leave a review with a stuff, it's an easy way to catch my attention)**

 **There is a lot less dialogue in this chapter but I can say that there will be more dialogue and interaction based chapters coming up very soon.**

 **My sincerest apologies for taking up your time with this and any typos in my work since I do my own proofreading, tell me if you see something that needs to be fixed please.**

* * *

The events of Yoshi's meeting with the Shinobi Council (cause Jiji is a vengeful old shit and he will follow through with crap like this just to piss people off, specifically Dad) requires some background information of Yoshi's time before, well, _now._

A little known fact of Rafa's life was that she had a fascination with a few non-mainstream clans in Naruto. In particular, the Nara and the Aburame. It caused many a fight between her and her friends as everyone was fascinated by the mystical-magic-eye-bullshit from the Hyuuga and Uchiha clans and no one would give the other clans the time of day which Rafa thought was really fucking shitty because they're awesome too.

Let's face it guys. The Nara clan is so fucking smart that Shikamaru took down _motherfucking Hidan_ when he was somewhere around 15 to 17 (Rafa'd actually know if Kishimoto bothered to inform people of shit like this).

He took down Hidan.

 _...Hidan_ …

Let Yoshi say that again: _Hidan._

The very same Hidan who slaughtered countless shinobi, a lot of whom were probably twice Shikamaru's age and had a shit ton of experience and skill, is backed by a fucking **god** (motherfucking _Jashin-sama!_ ), and has essentially been immortal for a majority of his life and will continue to be as long as he is in his god's good graces, even if he does get dismembered and put into a hole (the supposed Edo Tensei!Hidan was totally not the original, because Hidan is immortal. Wasn't the fake made up of a bunch of Kabuto's snakes and a bit of DNA or something? Rafa doesn't know, plot holes are everywhere in Naruto). So Shikamaru took him down with vengeance for Asuma in mind, which goes ahead and fucks with most people's heads cause who is seriously thinking straight while they're grieving and all angst ridden, honestly.

This means Shikamaru was able to accomplish what _thousands_ have tried before and failed at. He took down an _S-rank criminal_. _And_ that's while he wasn't thinking completely calmly or clearly (because, believe it or not, ninjas really aren't good at coping, look at Kakashi for fuck's sake, do the Yamanaka even give a fuck anymore? Is compulsory therapy not a thing?).

Not only that, but Shikaku served as the Jounin Commander, and _no one fought him for the position_. It's politics, everyone wants power, and being able to **command Jounin?** That's a lot of power. But _no one contradicted Shikaku and that is amazing._ That is **fucking** **awesome**. And then let's not miss the fact that the Nara have made a massive amount of headway in the medical fields and do a lot of the experimentation to find new medicine. _Also_ , keep in mind that they are part of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio and that a _Noble Clan_ (though not widely advertised, the Akimichi are, in fact, a Noble Clan of Konoha) _doesn't mind following them if they make up their minds about something even if they themselves aren't given a full explanation until later,_ **ohgod they're so awesome.**

And then.

 **And** _ **then.**_

The Aburame.

Can you _imagine_ having **bugs** _living_ _ **inside you?**_ And they're helpful for tracking, long range combat, could probably be used in short range combat if you were like Torune (oh god, Torune, Yoshi's poor baby, he has access to ROOT, _ohmykami_ all of his poor emotionally repressed babies, _what is he going to do?_ ). In general, the Aburame clan is fucking awesome too.

They're super secretive too, what with their glasses and big coats (Yoshi is convinced they're hiding their massive dicks with those coats).

Yoshi found out from his mom that they have a monopoly in some merchant markets. Anything food related in Konoha usually goes through them (or the Akimichi, but they usually deal with fully cooked and prepared food, not just raw ingredients). And who can you trust more with agriculture than the guys who can _ask the goddamn bees to just pollinate every-fucking-thing, jesusfuck._ They even have most of their retired shinobi or civilian members of the clan helping with that business which also **doubles as a spy organization because everyone needs their fucking grain and produce** _and they can go into other nations and get that info under the cover of being merchants, holyfuck_. Ohmybijuu it's so fucking cool.

They're also a _Noble Clan of Konoha_.

These motherfuckers don't mess around.

Jashin, Yoshi loves them all so much.

Okay.

Breathe.

Alright, moving on. Focus.

Anyway, there _is_ a point to this madness. In short, with Rafa's obsession, Yoshi had made sure he remembered what he could about the clan heads from Rafa's knowledge (basic plot, some character stuff, Rafa didn't really have everything memorized though so there were definitely gonna be some things that he missed this time around). They're all so intriguing and he has _so many_ headcanons about them. Really, these are some of the most interesting characters in Naruto as far as he's concerned. These are the guys who had to put up with Minato and Kushina. These people were alive and fighting when Kyuubi was released. These people include the Jounin Commander, the retired Head of T&I, the Four Noble Clans' current heads, which does include the goddamn Uchiha, the _first female head_ of the Inuzuka Clan _in history_ , and they are _all so fucking_ _ **awesome.**_

So, you can tell he knows a lot of information about them. And that Rafa had a slight obsession.

Slight.

So.

Being able to go to a Shinobi Council meeting, and _meet all of these amazing people?_

 **He's going to die.**

Yoshi and his grandfather kept walking through the Administration building. Turns out, it's not all just one building under the name of the 'Hokage Tower,' though that's how most people in Konoha casually refer to the area. The Academy has an Administration section which is actually part of the Administration building so that's why the Academy is in the center of everything. The Admin building is next to the Hokage Residence (the mansion the Hokage lives in which actually contains the forbidden scrolls).

Yoshi had assumed like many others in his last life that it was all just the Hokage Tower and held all of the stuff together, but that term is native Konohan slang.

(Fun fact: Did you know that security systems are so complicated in this military-driven world that every country has its own slang, sign language, and pop culture references? Yoshi feels bad for all the infiltration experts because they have to learn literally all of that for each nation and it changes about as fast as it did in his old world.

P.S. - there are specific distribution routes of the Icha Icha series and where they are released first at, and most of those pop culture references come from that series [are there even any other popular authors in this world? Cause Yoshi can't seem to find them]. Because of this, shinobi who take infiltration jobs, such as the majority of ANBU [*cough*Kakashi*cough*] are expected to know the series very well so they can pass as a native in whichever country they are in once they're told the most recent title that was distributed there. Jiraiya totally plays favorites cause Konoha is where the first new books are always distributed.)

Within the actual Admin building you have the Administration portion of the Academy with the Hokage's office on the top floor. (The Academy has multiple levels too, which Rafa had not been aware of.) The Jounin Commander's office (which Shikaku apparently rarely uses as he does most of his work at home and only comes in to give people things or go to meetings [according to Jiji]) and the Relations Offices are both on the floor under that.

The Relations Offices (commonly referred to as R.O.'s) have correspondents in them from the main divisions, aka Intelligence Division (T&I), ANBU, Chūnin Corps, Military Police (MP), Genin Corps, etc., that are set aside so people (mostly the Hokage, by way of secretaries) can conveniently contact everyone from a single location without constantly using messenger birds. There's even an office for civilian-shinobi relations that handles cases where the two intersect though it's technically part of the MP.

The Jounin Lounge or Jounin Standby Station is also located in the Admin building on the floor below the R.O.'s. That's the floor the Council Chambers (where the Civilian Council and Shinobi Council meet to talk business) are also located. This is why Jounin always know the juiciest gossip, they can listen in on all the meetings.

(Side note: from what I've learned from Jiji's occasional mutterings, the Hokage or a Clan Head can convene a Clan Council which is comprised of just the most prominent [or sometimes all, depending on the situation] clan heads.)

Anyway, the ground level of the tower contains the Mission Assignment Desk. Turns out Kishimoto didn't really portray that one accurately. There are four sections to that floor: Genin, Chūnin, and Jounin (including Tokubetsu Jounin, or Tokujo in Konohan slang) each get a desk for receiving missions, and there is then an area for people to pay for/make missions for the ranks.

The layout is a bit odd since incoming missions have to go up to the T&I R.O. for vetting to make sure it's correctly ranked and all the info is up-to-date (didn't do great with that when they gave Team 7 the mission for guarding Tazuna, did they?). You'd think they'd put the R.O.'s on the second floor instead of the third by that point for convenience sake.

The general shape of the building is more of a dome rather than just a tower. The rooms get bigger the closer they are to the ground which is how they can fit so many storage closets and offices on every floor.

Today's meeting was a Shinobi Council, so the advisers and most of the clan heads would be in attendance (apparently some regularly opted out of showing up or ended up being needed on missions), which meant Jiji had to show up. And yes, he was going to take Yoshi just like he told Dad he would cause he is _exactly_ that kind of salty old man.

"Don't stray too far from me, Yoshi. The people you run into may not be the kindest if they knew you were related to me."

Yes, yes, Jiji. People hate you. He knows.

"Try not to disrupt the meeting too much, or I'll have Root relocate you."

That sounds ominous as fuck.

"Don't let yourself get killed."

Ummm, how do you expect a five-year-old to do anything against _trained shinobi?_

"And lastly," Jiji turned and looked Yoshi before squatting down so he was on his grandson's level. He released a quiet sigh, before using the hand that wasn't holding onto the five-year-old's to softly touch his head. Yoshi's shoulders released some of their tension as he leaned into the touch. Yes, he was pretty much an evil bastard. Yes, he did a lot of terrible things in the name of the 'greater good' of Konoha (that's so Dumbledore-ish/Grindlewald-ish, Yoshi just shivered). He was still Yoshi's grandfather though, and Yoshi knew he would protect him as much as he could and do everything he feasibly could to give Yoshi the tools to defend himself. He may have been a horrible person, _but he cared_. "Please, don't hesitate to tell or find me, a ROOT member, or an ANBU if you need something, if someone starts scaring you, or if anything happens," he whispered before patting his head once more and then standing. Yoshi held onto his hand tighter than before and trotted along after him. The last thing he needed was the get lost.

The duo was on the second floor headed to the Council Chambers and Yoshi was already about to burst with excitement. It's an odd feeling, being excited and terrified at the same time. The anticipation, brief bursts of happiness mixed with a bundle of nerves, the way your face can't tell if you want to grimace or smile. Yoshi had been prepared to wait for opportunities like this, become older and slowly get involved in Jiji's paperwork, then making suggestions, hopefully being allowed in on a meeting after maybe years of groundwork. Being able to be thrown into a meeting at the age of five? He was far ahead of schedule, and you can bet he's gonna use the foothold he just gained by this.

"The clan heads will be in attendance so don't offend them, and don't let the Hokage talk you into anything, he's sly like that. Try to stick close, and if you slip off don't start too much trouble."

At least Jiji acknowledged that he was probably going to make an escape. Yoshi started regulating his breathing. He could do this, he had survived law school and dozens of cases (cause he was that kind of over-achiever, he has welcomed laziness in this life, reincarnation totally counts as retirement). He could handle a room full of badass shinobi and clan heads and the idols of Rafa's fangirling, _ohdearJashin-sama_ _ **saveme**_.

The heavy wooden doors opened as grandson and grandfather approached, Yoshi's bet was on ROOT for that one.

The sight revealed to him was…

…

…

…

Empty.

…

Empty seats.

…

Bare tables.

…

…

No one was there yet.

…

Well then.

Guess they're early.

Thanks for freaking Yoshi out, Jiji.

Great grandparenting.

Amazing job.

You've outdone yourself.

…

Can you hear the sarcasm and _his saltiness?_


	5. A Peak into Politics

**Okay, so this is pretty short, and I sincerely apologize for that, I pinky-promise the next one will be longer. I swear. Really. I'll make the next one like,, 6-8 pages. I promise you guys.**

 **Anyway, this one is short, funny, and we get a glimpse at the knowledge of his new reality that Yoshi is trying desperately to ignore.**

 **Again, everything has been re-written, so, you might wanna start from the beginning. I don't own Naruto, blah, blah, blah. Yoshi is know a boy, was a girl before reincarnation and is totally fine with a penis and he/him pronouns. Blah, blah, blah, it's now in third person. Enjoy.**

* * *

Yoshi didn't speak to his grandpa for the entire half hour it took for the other advisers to show up.

He was actually that salty.

But Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu. Now those two, Yoshi hated. Every time Rafa had seen them on screen, she had wanted to scream. These are the same two assholes who didn't raise an insistent word or question about the massacre, didn't second-guess a thing Danzō did, and always undermined the Sandaime (even if he was Dumbledore-ish, that didn't mean they needed to pull a Ministry of Magic deal, ya know? Bystanders can be worse than those who commit said crimes. They see it happen and do _nothing to stop it_.)

Yoshi ignored the trio as they caught up on gossip. Jiji didn't draw attention to him and it seemed as though the other two hadn't deemed him worth any attention. Yoshi didn't fool himself into thinking that they hadn't noticed hiim. A small child is kind of hard to miss, and no matter how old they were, they were still shinobi.

The Council Chambers were pretty big all in all. Kishimoto got this one wrong too, though. There was a single circular table with enough seats for everyone. There was just one section that was more like a judge stand that you would see back in Yoshi's previous life ( _American court systems and other information he learned from that Government course in high school are useless to him now. Don't be fooled. Konoha and the Elemental Nations were military dictatorships, and that fact that the Hokage would even have Councils is a major step towards democracy as far as the rest of the Nations are concerned, (don't get Yoshi started on Iwa, Kiri was more diplomatic for Kami's sake), but nothing comes close to what Rafa was used t: no voting, no voice, no rights if the Hokage decrees it, constant terror from being sent to T &I without a trial, thank Jashin-sama Yoshi has Jiji and his influence on his side even if he's found out. Keep breathing, just breathe. Focus.) _but that section was connected to the rest of the table as well and wasn't super high up. That was the Hokage's seat and directly across from it on the other side of the room were the doors that led into the room. Behind each seat around the table (which are super comfy btw) was an old-looking scroll with a clan symbol on it (the Hokage just had one with the word 'Hokage' on it, the three advisers were placed to the right of the Hokage and the Jounin Commander was to his left - those spots had their titles too though they could choose to sit under their clan symbol if they were so inclined). The scrolls were mostly against the wall so as to not cause problems with movement, but you could tell how long a clan/family (for the civilians that weren't part of a clan but had seats in the Council) had been part of the politics of Konoha. The Shimura Clan was older than I thought; since Jiji was taught by the Nidaime I guess it makes sense.

"And _what_ , exactly, possessed you to bring a child to one of these meetings, Danzō?"

Oh, so Yoshi finally came up as a topic. Hold on, don't talk to Jiji like that!

"With all due respect, gracious elder, bippity-boppity-back-the-fuck-up cause I'll do as I please."

...dead silence…

...shit, Yoshi spoke out loud again, didn't he?...

After that popped out, the two old biddies were horrified at not only the vulgar language but the outright disrespect. It looked like they were going to retaliate, but one look from Jiji changed their minds real quick. The four of them remained silent and awaited the others. Yoshi really hopes that he doesn't offend anyone that is super important ( _Hokage, military dictatorship, T &I, ohmygod Jiji save me_) because it looks like he can't control his witty comebacks today. Considering Jiji and dad though, it may be hereditary. Jiji and ROOT probably won't let him be killed though, so that's good.

The Sandaime showed up next. He hobbled on in and took one look around the room before making his way to his seat. Right as he was about to sit down, he paused. Yoshi and Sarutobi made eye contact. He blinked. Yoshi blinked. Hiruzen blinked again. Yoshi raised an eyebrow. He shook his head a little and blinked once more. He tilted his head in response. Sarutobi looked at the five-year-old incredulously. "Danzō," he said in a strange tone that Yoshi didn't know what to label as (With caution, with incredulity, questioningly? They could all apply.)

"What? I can't take my grandson to work?" Yoshi's never heard Jiji that defensive. Oh, this is gonna be great.

"No, no, it's just-"

"He's five?"

"No, but-"

"It's the eyes isn't it? I knew they looked like Orochimaru's."

"Well, possibly, but that's not-"

"Well then, what is it?"

"..."

"...?"

"...Green hair? Really?"

"...That's not from my side of the family."

Yoshi burst into giggles. Jiji and mom _really_ don't get along.

 **Again, I'm super sorry about how short this is. The next one** _ **will**_ **be longer, I promise.**


	6. This Isn't How You Should Politic

**IMPORTANT**

 **I'm so sorry. It's been** _ **so long**_ **since I've updated this.** _ **I'm so sorry.**_ **But umm, I kinda edited the entire story so you may want to actually start from the new beginning (please do, most of it is familiar but there are differences, tell me if you like it, the usual).**

 **Ummm, what else? I don't own Naruto. I hope this makes you happy. Appreciate the people who left a review and pretty much got my ass into gear (once again,** _ **I'm so sorry; like, really really sorry.**_ **)**

 **Uhhhh, Yoshi is a boy, was a girl before reincarnation but appreciates the new penis and is totally chill with he/him pronouns now. Everything's in third person now, I got angry at 1** **st** **and thought that it wasn't turning out how I wanted it to. I tried super hard to make this chapter longer?**

 **Feel free to give me plot ideas or things you want to see and I'll consider them and might even use them with acknowledgement to who gave the idea and what not. (Even if they don't get into the story I might make some one-shots/omakes? Who knows. I'll try super hard not to go silent again for eternity.)**

 **Enjoy? Read, Review? Please?**

* * *

Everything calmed down soon enough. This may have involved Danzō and Hiruzen conversing from their seats while the other two advisors looked like they had just seen someone dissect a pig heart before shoving it down their pants and running out the door. (Okay, even Yoshi admits that was a weird metaphor.)

Yoshi had escaped already and could be found hiding behind Jiji's chair. It didn't help that the old man (not the one biologically related to him) kept handing him candies that he apparently kept on him at all times.

If Yoshi didn't know better, he would say the Hokage was pedophile.

(Actually, he doesn't know better.

The Hokage might be a pedophile.)

With the advisors and the Hokage present, however, it was finally time for the rest of the Council to make their way in. Fugaku and Hiashi were first. Coming in side by side and right on the dot, Yoshi could feel the animosity and tension. Magic-eye-bullshit users apparently did not get along if their magical eyes don't do the same bullshit. The dynamic of the two was interesting though. Yoshi could obviously tell the two didn't get along but they entered together and had seats right next to each other. While the glaring and general tension continued, neither activated their eyes and, for the most part, there was just a bunch of intense staring.

Wait.

Maybe...they have like a...

 _Secret rival language?_

SHIT, IS THAT WHY GAI WOULDN'T STOP YELLING ABOUT YOUTH? WAS THAT A SECRET LANGUAGE BETWEEN HIM AND KAKASHI?

WAS LEE TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH SASUKE WITH THIS BUT KAKASHI NEVER TAUGHT HIM?

 _Yoshi totally bets Hiashi and Fugaku have a secret language. They probably have entire conversations with glares and minuscule eye and shoulder twitches._

(What could they be talking about though? Like:

' _You won't believe what I caught Shisui doing, I swear that boy snatches all the panties he can get his hands on.'_

' _Is he just a pervert or is he trying to tell you something?'_

' _I think Itachi put him up to it so I stop focusing on how he has slipped out of the house in the dead of night 17 times this month just to get dango.'_

' _Ahh, it reminds me of shit me and Hizashi would get up to when we were younger. Good times, good times.'_

' _I'd be more inclined to find the situation humorous if it wasn't Mikoto's panties he was snatching. Two elders have also complained.'_

' _At least you know he's not a coward.'_

' _Or he's just that stupid.')_

Yoshi quickly held back a snort that wanted to escape. The image was just too hilarious. Heads of opposing clans just being bosom-buddies; in order not to get caught, a secret language of eye movements is created to throw off the elders of their respective clans. Yoshi pressed his lips together with more force, dear Jashin-sama that's a beautiful thought.

Yoshi registered people coming in and sitting down in their designated seats while he was half distracted by thoughts of epic bromances and familial expectations. Inoichi. Chōza. _Motherfucking Shikaku_. Tsume. _Motherfucking Shibi._ You know, the usual.

 _ **Yoshi was gonna puke. Or die. Or scream. One of the three. Maybe all three. Any combo of the three. It was anyone's guess.**_

Danzō reached back and put a hand on Yoshi's head until his breathing had regulated again. Isn't Jiji sweet? (Surprisingly, out of all of Yoshi's family members, Danzō was the best when it came to handling Yoshi's anxiety and panic attacks. While Yoshi was mostly good at bottling things up or laughing them off, when things got too much, jiji was always there for him. Maybe it's due to having experience with Root and their undoubted penchant for having PTSD, but jiji always knew what Yoshi needed. Sometimes hugs, sometimes just quiet, sometimes alone time, sometimes dango, it varied but he always knew.)

Sarutobi looked up with a calm and orderly demeanor about him. Sitting up straight and looking every bit as much of the leader he was, he called the meeting to order. A chūnin quickly passed around papers to all the adults in the room. They must always have extras as jiji stealthily grabbed two without anyone noticing and slipped the extra copy to Yoshi. Which would be great if Yoshi could read half of what was on the kami-damned page. Believe it or not, but Asian languages are fucking hard to learn and remember, okay? When it came to the written stuff, most of what Yoshi bothered to remember were cuss words and food names. Yoshi had adapted enough to speak like a native.

It took Yoshi a minute but he seemed to be able to piece out what was generally being said on the document but it seemed to just be an overall agenda for the day's meeting. Academy curriculum (Yoshi recognized 'school' and 'children' in the blurb it gave about the topic), ANBU budget (ANBU was obvious and 'money' stood out as well), the hospital (this one Yoshi actually bothered to remember during lessons with his mother; you never know when you'll need a doctor), what was either something about the Will of Fire or about Fire Country ('fire' was all Yoshi recognized in that one so it was a tossup), and what was possibly something about the other nations ('Kiri' and 'Suna' and 'Iwa' and 'Kumo' were ones that Yoshi had picked up rather fast).

Sarutobi reached down to a side drawer in his judge stand (that's the closest thing Yoshi can describe it as and he'll fight people about it) to pull out a brush and a bottle of ink. Yoshi's hand darted in before he could stop himself and grabbed a smaller brush and bottle for his own notes that he planned on taking. Sarutobi kindly didn't close the drawer until the child's hands were in the clear so as not to crush the small fingers. The Hokage quickly gave Yoshi two more candy pieces before leaning up and returning to business with no one the wiser. Except Danzō who looked a little stiff but that could be about several things, really.

Yoshi was careful to be quiet and cautious when he opened the ink and picked up the brush. Using English or even Italian would've been extremely suspicious and Yoshi had no desire to tempt fate. He didn't know much kanji or romanji to be totally honest (well, he did, but he didn't feel like using any of it and he'd get upset about lacking the correct words). Yoshi, therefore, took the only other choice.

Doodles.

Who's ever been suspicious of a child drawing pictures on paper that they've been given? Especially young children who don't know a thing about politics.

Careful not to spill the ink pot, Yoshi started drawing little pictures by the topics to remember what was being said. A little barn that reminded Yoshi of the iconic red school that was a popular image to use together with the word school for smaller, younger children in Yoshi's old world. A mask with a dollar sign next to the ANBU budgeting. A classic cross for the hospital. A flame for the one about fire which Yoshi would add to once they verbally got to the topic. And then a crappy rendition of the United States' outline with the 'Fire, Earth, Water, Air!' symbols from Avatar cause that's obviously what should come to mind when you hear _Elemental Nations_.

"Thank all of you for attending," Sarutobi started out. "This will be a usual meeting; no special topics in particular. We'll go through a brief overview of each of the points that are up for discussion today before adjourning for a quick break for lunch and then returning so last arguments can be made. All of your comments and concerns will be noted and taken under consideration by me." The Hokage paused to drag the agenda in front of him and pull the stopper out of his ink pot. Picking up the brush, he continued. "We have five subjects on the table today." He started as he dipped the tip of the brush into the black concoction. "The first being civilian sects' concerns about the disadvantage their children are at when they enter the Academy, followed by ANBU budgeting concerns, issues with the lack of hospital staff and an all-time low of qualified medic-nin, the current happenings in the Fire Daimyo's court, and rising tensions between the Elemental Nations, specifically Kiri's black out."

Kiri? Oh shit. Was Yagura already purging? Or still purging? Had been purging? Was purging? Timelines are tricky, Yoshi just needs to stop trying to figure it out. It just gives him a headache. And the Daimyo's court? Sure, politics affect military decisions. However, Yoshi had been under the impression that the Daimyo and his actions were a bit more removed from the inner workings of the Villages.

"Our first order of business today is the concern civilians have shown about Academy requirements for graduation and what they deem unfair advantages that clan children have. The use of kekkei genkai during spars or tests, taijutsu stances and katas that they've already learned while civilians start with nothing, the private tutoring they usually receive before school about politics of the Nations, etc. The civilians wish for a more objective nature to the Academy's curriculum in order not to show favoritism to clan-born children. The floor is now open for discussion."

Hiashi and Fugaku both bristled. "Prohibiting the use of kekkei genkai? The children need the practice to further their skills. Training at home is one thing, but our children will be expected to know how to use their kekkei genkai on real opponents and their future teammates will need to be used to seeing their kekkei genkai in action. If every clan has specific techniques tied into their blood or sacred to their family and the children of those clans will be expected to use those skills once out of the Academy and on a team then how does denying them practice or use of such a skill do anything but cause harm? Those are hours of practice lost that could be what ends up getting one of them killed. Not only that, how is denying a clan child their practice for the comforts of a civilian child amount to equality?"

Hiashi surprised him. Yoshi had been sure he'd just point out his own clan's kekkei genkai but the response was careful to include any clan technique/kekkei genkai. Is he playing nice? Drumming up support for something he'll bring up later? Is he honestly like this 24/7?

Yoshi hummed in thought as he stuck out his tongue in concentration for his next drawing. An eye and bug with a circle around them and a slash through it.

Tsume huffed while she reached down a hand to scratch her dog. "So, the kids will have to train at home a little more." She gave a vicious grin with too many teeth showing to make any one comfortable. "It's not like they won't still be better than the civvies once they're out of the Academy anyway."

Yoshi cocked an eyebrow. The unprofessionalism he was expecting, the arrogance? Well Kiba had to get it from somewhere, but it was still more than he had been expecting.

Inoichi nudged Shikaku. The Nara sighed. "Troublesome." He lifted his head from where it had been resting on his arms so he could look at Hiashi and Tsume in turn. "Graduation rates for the Academy are at an all-time low. We'll need bigger forces due to rising tensions between nations. Clan kids only account for so much of Academy numbers though they're of higher quality. Concessions will have to be made to beef up the Corps regardless of our opinions." The Nara hadn't bothered to lift his chin from his forearm as he drawled out his answer. Turning to the Hokage, the Jounin Commander continued. "Nevertheless, refusing any clan specific techniques is paramount to sentencing a number of these children to death. Just allow them to practice in more controlled sessions of sparring with adult supervision and don't let it be graded or something similar. That way the civilians can't cry abuse, but clan kids can still train." Shikaku finished his answer with a sigh before closing his eyes to resume his nap.

Sarutobi tilted his head thoughtfully. Fugaku and Hiashi covertly looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes before returning their attention to the front. Yoshi was surprised that he had caught the movement at all.

Inoichi's eyebrows furrowed. "Moving on, what changes do they want to make in the Academy's curriculum?"

"Logically, we teach the Academy curriculum for a reason. Why? It includes vital information that the genin will find useful: political climate of countries, history of the elemental nations, cultural quirks, proper shinobi etiquette, proper diplomatic etiquette, etc. One misstep during a mission or political meeting can lead to war. The genin need to be aware of the world around them." Shibi adjusted his glasses. "Therefore, to cut such things from the curriculum would be unwise."

Sarutobi tilted his head. "I doubt people would even attempt to start a war over a child, even if they were unintentionally offensive."

Ummm, Hyuuga kidnapping anyone? Hinata didn't even accidently offend anyone!

Inoichi's face relaxed though it looked slightly forced in Yoshi's opinion. "We could add Konoha's History and take out International Politics. It's a chance to improve loyalty as well. The feats of the Kages and the wars we've won can easily add a sense of pride in their country to younger children especially if they don't understand the far-reaching ramifications of such things on other nations, especially the negative parts."

Sarutobi nodded with a small smile. "Yes, well, I do believe that covers most of the civilian's concerns. Kekkei genkai won't be used unless strictly allowed for certain necessary tasks, a standard taijutsu form that all the children will be tested with, and changes to the curriculum. I'll talk to the Civilian Council and come to a final conclusion on the matter."

Aaaaaaand, there's the military dictatorship we all know and love. Yoshi drew another poor rendition of the United States before putting a slash through it. A leaf with a check mark went to the right of it. There was also a stick figure in what looked like the warrior pose in yoga while three swords were touching tips next to it. All for one, and one for all as the Three Musketeers would say.

Yoshi had to side with Fugaku and Hiashi on this one. Denying a kid the right to practice with something that could save their lives later? That's fucked up. Not to mention that civilian kids are going to learn that life isn't fair once they're on the field which would interfere with missions and what not. Wouldn't it be better for them to learn in a controlled environment, such as in Konoha? And then be able to seek out teachers to fill the gaps in their knowledge? Shibi was right, political ramifications of actions and the general political climate of each country and region is what can save a kekkei genkai user from ending up in Kiri during the purges. These were practical things that would be important to their futures. While Shikaku was right about having to make concessions, the degree to which Sarutobi allowed it to go was just obscene.

"Moving on." The Hokage continued. "ANBU's requested a bigger budget; they've been going through weapons and armor like a seamstress goes through fabric. Do we have the ability to shift funding around or any other solutions that may be applicable?" Hiruzen sounded especially exasperated about the topic change. They've probably been over this before.

"We're still recovering from Minato's impromptu demise and the damage done to the village. Construction projects are still happening even though it's been six years already." Utatane offered.

"ANBU numbers are low anyway, there's no reason they should be going through that much equipment. They can at least wait until all the repairs are done to the village." Mitokado continued.

Weren't ANBU supposed to protect Konoha and take the higher paying jobs though? Wouldn't it be better to funnel money into their ranks so they can all go on missions with great pay and funnel that money into the relief efforts? That way the money keeps flowing. That seemed like a somewhat better alternative but well, who knows?

Jiji gave a sharp look at the two and shifted as if he was about to say something before Hiruzen intervened. "The ANBU issue can be settled after our lunch period." Sarutobi paused as he checked the order of topics. "Moving along, the hospital staffs have expressed their concerns about the dwindling number of medic-nin both in the hospital and out on the field."

"If you want to beef up numbers, then you'll want to start them young. That way they're comfy with everything and continue with their learning enough to become certified. Some first aid courses at the Academy with small amounts of medical ninjutsu could be added in. If they do well enough, bribe them with an extra assignment of interning or nursing at the hospital that will give them some extra credit." Akimichi added softly but clearly.

Sarutobi tilted his head in consideration before slowly shaking it. "A first aid course would be fine, but nothing with grades, just a simple know-how demonstration should do. Besides medical ninjutsu is far to advanced for the tiny amounts of chakra control that the kids possess."

...

Wasn't Sakura's chakra control supposed to be super fucking good even when she was a kid?

And _shouldn't there already be a first-aid course?_

The Nara, Yamanaka, and Akimichi head shared a look. Oh good, Yoshi isn't the only one who thinks the old man may have lost it just a touch.

Hiruzen smiled as he looked around the room. "I believe we're at a good place to stop and have lunch, don't you think?" The clan heads took the prompt even though most didn't look happy with the decision. As small talk and quiet conversations started up in the room as people made their way out, the Hokage turned to look at Yoshi and Danzō. "Do you two already have plans?"

Oh no, don't make Yoshi eat with the Hokage, he won't be able to keep his mouth shut.

Jiji was quick to shut the man down. "Actually, we do; if you'll excuse us, Hiruzen." Jiji picked up his own notes before bending down to use his paper to cover Yoshi's. He also stealthy stashed the brush and ink pot that Yoshi had just been using in his wide sleeves before proceeding to pick Yoshi up. How he could do all of this with his cane still firmly in his left hand, Yoshi will never know.

The duo quickly made their way away from the Hokage before someone called out 'Shimura!'

Danzō briefly paused and turned his head over his shoulder to look at whoever had stopped him.

...

 _Holy JAS_ _ **HIN! That's SHIKAKU!**_

The Nara tilted his head and stared at Yoshi. Oh no. But also, _oh yes_ (no Yoshi is not perving out, get your head out of the gutter, just cause Shikaku was attractive didn't mean that he would go for a five-year-old!"

"Perhaps you'd like to join Inoichi, Chouza, and I for lunch, Shimura-sans?"

Yoshi refuses to let his grandfather ruin this for him.

"Of course, Shikaku-sama." The councilman looked at Yoshi in barely disguised bafflement at the 'sama' and Yoshi's willingness to talk to someone respectfully. Meanwhile, the Nara blinked twice before dipping his head and turning with a gesture for the grandfather and grandson to follow.

Yoshi regrets nothing.


End file.
